It's Baby Girl's Birth Month!

Somehow January, February, March, April, May, and June have all passed us by and we have arrived in July - baby girl's birth month!  She is officially due July 20 (and trust me, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her to keep cooking until then), but the ultrasound doctor predicted a July 2 due date (that's today - eek!) and last night at my OB-GYN appointment my doctor said he thought she would make her debut in the next few days and, at max, in a week or two.  

Don't get me wrong, I love her so incredibly much already, but let me just say, this is going to be an HONEST post.  I am nervous/overwhelmed/terrified about having another baby!  I've known all along that she and Oliver will be close in age (he's 13 months right now), but I always thought he would be more independent/less needy by this point.  Don't get me wrong, he's made a lot of progress, but he still needs a LOT of attention, still cries a TON during the day, still doesn't sleep the best...And I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water taking care of just him and Carter (who's now 4).  When I think about the pure exhaustion - physically and mentally - that comes with newborn territory, I sometimes just want to crumple thinking there's no way I can do this!

And I start to feel sorry for myself....I say 'it's so much harder living in another country, being away from friends, family, comforts, and an overall easier way of life,' and 'I'm just not cut out to be a mom,' and 'I'm still sooo tired from when Oliver was born - I'm not ready to start the cycle all over again.'

But then God sends me a sweet smile on Oliver's face, or has Carter come hug me and tell me he loves me, or lets me watch the boys playing together and laughing, or (in a rare instance) has Oliver fall asleep in my arms.  He reminds me that I'm not alone doing this and I am so incredibly blessed by the two little loves he has already entrusted to us.  It's going to be tough, and yes I'm still nervous, but I know we can do this.  The Father has never, and will never, leave my side, and I just need to be sure to look for him in all the little 'moments' he sends to me each and every day.

So whether she comes today or in 2.5 weeks, I'm praying for peace, and trusting in the support and contentment I know my God can provide.